Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Letter to self... Message to you...

So today is the day when all my mistakes and what i believe should be regrets arent, come back to hunt me. I try my best to withhold this heartless attitude but all im doing is hurting myself and not facing the truth. Truth is i dont know what to do or how to feel. Im not even going to speak in code, im going to just put it out there. I don't even know if i made a mistake or not. I do know that i miss him and i didn't mean to make him feel like he meant nothing to me because in reality he meant absolutely everything to me. He was my bestfriend, my family and my other half. I could be myself around him and talk to him about all my problems. Even though everything wasnt perfect there was a connection there that couldnt be broken, or atleast i thought. Anyway this isnt my personal diary. When you have some one that's special to you and you never want to lose them, dont let them go because it must be worth something. With me it doesn't matter what people are telling me, i know how i feel and i don't want to walk away from something no one else knows about. We might not be good for each other right now but like i said a hundred times before he was more then just a boyfriend. I don't have many people in my life i can talk to, i often feel alone so when i find that one person I'm not letting them go. People make mistakes, people say things out of anger. I wish i could turn the clock back, not just to save the relationship but the friendship. People say family is the most important but my friends that hold a special place in my heart are my family. I just want my family back. Sometimes it hard for me to follow my heart because the people that suppose to mean the most to me like my mom, dad, and sister often turn out to be some one you never thought they were. Especially my dad, i dont know who he really is so i go off who i wish he was or who he use to be to keep the father daughter relationship there. Sometimes when people make certain decisions or act a certain way it could be reasons much deeper then the surface. I learned a lot about myself and why i do certain things. The change that im going to make within myself is to have trust in the people you love and never doubt that love. I dont know whats to come in the future but i do hope whatever it is, its for the best.

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